Not Another LoK Self-Insertion Fic...
by NefertiDagger
Summary: My answer to all the LoK SI fics that have popped up recently. NOT FOR EVEYRONE. R/R, flame, laugh, cry and be shocked by this ridiculous fic.


Not Another LoK SI Story  
  
Written by NefertiDagger  
  
DISCLAIMER- I am SICK and TIRED of seeing unoriginal LoK romance fics. I mean, WHY must you all pair yourself with Raziel when he's clearly a NO Woman Vampire? Plus, this is a satire. Don't take offense. Reviews are welcome.  
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Our story opens in Nosgoth, before Soul Reaver and Raziel is still his cute, hunky self. Many human women fawn over him, for his looks, and look past the fact that he hates humans. Nevertheless, they try hard to get into bed with him and bonk the night away.  
  
"Oh look! It's Lord Raziel!" A peasent woman shriked, pointing at the sight of the Razielim master. The girls all squealed and jumped around like they were having an orgasm. (Which they were) Raziel didn't notice them, and just went along his way. "Please! Make love to us!"  
  
Raziel just turne dhis nose up at them and sat down, sending a blast of Energy at them, blowing them into chunks of blood. He grinned and looked up at the murky sky, seeing the Razielim work hard on the smoke factory pipes.  
  
"Ahhh, such a wonderous sight. Much better than the blinding sun."   
  
He sipped on some blood and saw a gorgeous Razielim woman walk up to him, her hips jerking side to side as she walked, her breasts swaying like those metal ball ornaments that office people have. Raziel sat up and looked at the female. He walked forward and stood over her.   
  
"Hello, fair lass. What is your name, I may ask?" He asked, clawing away more human fawners. The Razielim woman placed one claw on her hip and brushed away her jet black and blonde hair. Her blue eyes pierced Raziel's own eyes, since they were so blue, and her pearly white fangs shone like diamonds in the covered up sun.   
  
"My name, my master is Lissethe."  
  
"Hello Lissethe. What might you be doing tonight?" He asked, now starting to drool and get clammy in her beautiful presence. Lissethe grabbed one of Raziel's arms and wrapped it around her wasp-waist. She then looked up at him looking all pouty.  
  
"I'm all alone, as my beau was killed by that Lord Kain. I was wondering if you could put the pipe to me tonight." She asked in a deep, yet sad voice. Raziel then had boner and immedatley gave her a wet kiss on her fat, ruby lips. They pulled away and he looked into her blue eyes and said-  
  
"Not tonight, Lissethe, how about now?" He gushed.  
  
"Alright. Let's do that."  
  
They then got naked and had hot, vampire sex while everyone was watching. It was wonderous, though disheartening to Raziel's female followers. The cried and ran way to fawn over Turel.   
  
"Oh Raziel, that was hot and wonderous. Let's do that again."  
  
"Oh no Lissethe, I must go show Kain my new wings. I won't come back, but I hope to make love to you even when I don't have my jewels."  
  
The two passionatley kissed and made more love, then Lissethe walked away, her hips again jutting from side to side, making Raziel's eyes move like a metronome. He then saw something rather awkward happen.  
  
"That isn't pretty..."  
  
He saw Lissethe get mauled by his female followers, and then they ran off with her various body parts. Raziel shrugged his shoulders and walked away, thinking to himself something rather true-  
  
"Oh well... she wasn't that great. Tomorrow, I shall make out with another, hot, perfect babe."  
  
Little did Raziel know, that today was the last day of his un-life. Though today, he still gets it on with hot, perfect chicks... even if he doesn't have the 'components'.  
  
-THE END-  
  
NOTE- I wasn't trying to target any writer in particular. It's a mass thing actually. I mean, be honest... how many of you out there are sick to death of these numerous SI fics? I'm sure sick of 'em. Though... think of his fic like 'Not Another Teen Movie'. I mean this all ing ood fun BTW, and LoK is © Eidos Interactive.   
  
Have fun.  



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